Pam

Archive for May, 2008|Monthly archive page

Dunder Mifflin Infinity

In Entertainment, Humor, Television, The Office, Work on May 29, 2008 at 5:24 pm

Ryan and Pam

Last year we began the planning stages of revitalizing our Dunder Mifflin Infinity Web site. Knowing my interest in design, Ryan enlisted me to come up with some preliminary layouts for what the site would look like.
I was excited about the project and put all of my other long-term assignments on the back burner for a month while I established a new color scheme, design and features for the site.
I presented it to Michael, who loved it. Despite being extremely vocal about his distaste for all things related to the company Web site, he was extremely supportive of my work. Perhaps this had something to do with the fact that if he didn’t like my work, he had to create a proposal for how to improve and expound on my design. I didn’t dwell on that too much — I took the praise and ran. Other co-workers were supportive as well, which helped boost my confidence enough to show my work to Ryan.

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Thumper

In Entertainment, Humor, Television, The Office, Work on May 29, 2008 at 3:01 am

Intern

We had a new intern start this month. Really nice guy — a real go getter.
But when he is on sales calls, he has an unusual tic. He’ll rhythmically smack the top of his desk as he is driving a point home to the customer.
“How *pound* about *pound* we *pound* set up *pound* a meeting *pound* next Thursday *pound*?”
His little percussion section is endearing only because he is a nice guy and is trying so hard. I doubt he even knows he is doing it. If however he completes his internship and becomes my new boss or lands a swanky job at corporate, I will be more apt to ruthlessly make fun of this trait.

My quiet place

In Entertainment, Humor, Television, The Office, Work on May 28, 2008 at 3:26 am

Andy Bernard

My husband called me at work. He was having a really rough day and needed to talk. I asked Phyllis to take calls at the front desk for 10 minutes and stepped outside with my cell phone.
As he was pouring his heart out to me, Andy and Angela left the building for their lunch break.
Andy spotted me and couldn’t control himself. He purposely starts walking closer to me and says in a loud voice:
“Hey Pam! On a private call, Pam? Trying to find a quiet place to talk? Looking for a place where no one will bother you, Pam?”
I turned away from him and caught a peek of Angela slapping him for being obnoxious.
Luckily, Mr. Pam understands. He’s read my blog.

The confrontation

In Entertainment, Humor, Television, The Office, Work on May 23, 2008 at 3:42 am

One morning I was early for work and decided I wanted to do something nice for the office. I swung into my favorite place to get doughnuts, and bought a box for the office.

doughnut

It was the perfect morning for it. Morale has been a little down lately, and sometimes little gestures like this go a long way.

Plus, Michael would be at a meeting at the corporate offices in New York all day. This was good for a couple of reasons.

First, I wouldn’t have to hear Michael announce (all day long) “I’m only having one more … but don’t tell Jan!”

And second, when people bring in food, Michael talks about it ALL DAY. He talks about how cool you are and suddenly you become his best friend. For some reason, I didn’t want that.

So I brought in a few doughnuts and they were a hit (as doughnuts normally are). I made sure I got rid of the evidence so Michael wouldn’t know that he missed out.

I forgot about the whole thing until a week later when Andy approaches me.

“Hey, I told Michael you brought doughnuts in while he was gone last week, and he was really bummed.”

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Guest blog: Angela and the pest infestation

In Entertainment, Guest blog, Humor, Television, The Office, Work on May 22, 2008 at 3:27 am

Hey guys. Today I am pleased to announce that we have a guest blogger: Angela!
*applause*
OK, well actually Angela found out about my blog and said she’d report me to corporate … unless I let her write some entries. So please welcome her to the page … so I don’t lose my job.

(In reality, “Angela” and I are good friends. This is a story from a “Dunder Mifflin” satellite office)

 

Angela filing complaint

Lately our office has had a bit of a pest problem. No, not Dwight. I’m talking about cockroaches. It’s vile. Sometimes if you go into the break room, you’ll see the nasty things eating away at the Funyuns. I don’t care, I hate Funyuns, and personally I think that there are a few people in the office that could go without them. Still, it’s disgusting.

I insisted Michael do something about the infestation. I overheard him calling Ryan about it, but it didn’t sound like it went so well (Michael pretended to yell at Ryan, but I know the call had long ended at that point). Because the financial side of things hasn’t been so spectacular here at Dunder Mifflin, I guess corporate is trying to cut back on budgets. Great. If Sprinkles was still around, maybe Michael could hire her.

So what does Michael do? He wants me to plan a party. A morale-boosting/bug-killing party.

Look. My morale is boosted already:

Look at my high morale

I’m on the party planning committee. That means that I plan parties. Not bug killing contests.
When I refused to plan a “Dunder Mifflin Scranton bug stomp-off,” Michael had the audacity to suggest we connect the sales bonuses with the number of cockroaches killed. I tried to put a hault to this plan as well, but Dwight already has his stapler pointed at the ground like it’s some kind of gun, ready to claim the title of top cockroach killer.

For all I know, Dwight and Michael brought the stupid things in just to drive the rest of us insane.

I wonder if Staples is hiring.

A woman’s intuition

In Entertainment, Humor, Television, The Office, Work on May 19, 2008 at 4:41 pm

feminine side

Meredith asked Andy if he watched American Idol. He said no, and pointed to Michael who was standing near by.
“Michael’s more in touch with his feminine side than I am,” Andy said with a mock deep voice.
“Feminine? I’m not feminine,” Michael sputtered.
“Oh no no,” Andy said realizing the possible offense. “No you’re very macho. You just have a feminine side that you are in touch with. That’s a good thing.”
“Oh well then I have lots of feminine sides!” Michael declared going on to declare his love for soap operas and Sex and the City.
He and Jan can’t wait for the movie to come out.

Super-sized guilt trip

In Entertainment, Humor, Television, The Office, Work on May 17, 2008 at 3:36 am

Michael Scott french fries

Michael tried a new honest approach with Jan this week as she made her daily call to inquire about what he ate for lunch. After all, Weight Watchers does allow flex points for treats as long as you balance them out. Why not tell her?

He quickly found out …

*phone rings*

Michael: Hewow. … Well I had French fries at lunch today, but it’s OK because I planned for it. … No, they are 430, but I fit it into my food plan for the day…. But it’s okay because I planned for it …. Well YOU … Well, okay …. How is your day so far?

Jim looks toward me and pretends to gouge his neck with his pen.

I feel bad. It’s pretty sad listening to a grown man defending eating a small fry.

Introducing: Dwight

In Entertainment, Humor, Television, Work on May 16, 2008 at 2:30 am

I was too busy with last night’s The Office Season finale to write up a lengthier tale from my job. So I’ll leave you with a bit of dialogue to introduce you to the “real world” Dwight.

michael and dwight

Dwight: “Michael. Request to be dismissed from this meeting as it is not relevant to me and it is delaying vital work time.”
Michael: “Uhhh, request denied.”

How about that finale! ?

Go green

In Entertainment, Humor, Television, Work on May 14, 2008 at 3:20 pm

green t

Michael wore a bright green shirt today. The shirts were given to us as part of Dunder Mifflin’s “go green” campaign.
The shade of green isn’t flattering on anyone, so no one wears them.
But Andy told Michael the first time he wore it that “green is really your color.”
“Ugh no it’s not,” Jim grumbled from his desk, shooting me a horrified look.
It’s true. He looks like the Jolly Green Giant. But he’s worn it every week since. No one has the heart to tell him that Andy is just a suck up.

Slap My Bee

In Entertainment, Humor, Television, Work on May 13, 2008 at 4:33 pm

Pam reception

Several years ago I had a real name plate at my desk that said “Pam Beesly.” It was one of those that you could lift the cover and rearrange the letters so you could customize it for new employees.
But the temptation was too much for Michael. Each day I would come in and my letters would be mixed up … often spelling something inappropriate.
I began to ignore the juvenile prank to the point that one morning I forgot to correct the sign. Angela approached my desk later that day and saw my name jumble, which now read “My Bals Pee.” She told me I “couldn’t handle the responsibility of a name plate” and took it from my desk. Later that week I received the generic “Reception” plate … with nonmovable letters.
I recently asked Angela if I could have my name plate back and promised I would seal it shut and guard it from Michael. She agreed on a probationary period.

Angela
The first day was fine. I could hear Michael snickering to himself in his office for about half the day, but this wasn’t all that unusual.
The next day I came in to find this sign taped to my desk:

Pam Beesly
Map Bee sly
Balmy Pees
Blames Yep
Melba Yeps
Palmy Bees
Peas Melby
Please B My
Slam Beepy
Lap My Bees
Slap My Bee
See My Blap
Easy PB elm
B May Sleep
Spy Be Meal
Sly Bam Pee
Lambs Peely
Lamp B Eyes
Sample Bye
Ample Byes
Yes Be Palm
Sleepy Bam
Pam Be Yels
Yam Spel Be
Yam Bleeps
Yams Bleep

I tore it down before Angela saw.