Archive for January, 2009|Monthly archive page

I need advice!

In Uncategorized on January 30, 2009 at 4:17 am

toby flenderson The Office

I finally get to meet with an HR rep!
I must admit, I’m pretty nervous.
Toby’s going to be in our office soon to talk to us about employee evaluations. I asked if these would be only evaluations of our performance or if we would be evaluating our bosses, too.
He painted the usual warm and fuzzy picture about how any time we talk to our bosses should be an opportunity to talk to them about what they can do that will help my overall performance.

He then said I of course could set up a time I could talk to him confidentially as well.

I’ll take option B.

So, what do I say folks? Honeslty, working for Michael has made me a worse employee. I do less because I know doing more will result in him giving me more of his work while I watch him goof off more. So I almost hate talking to a rep at all because I know my performance could easily come into question as well.
Plus the last people who stood up against Michael (before I worked here) were laid off.
And these evaluations (the very first since I’ve worked here, which has been years) smell to me like a way to evaluate where the company can make their next cuts in these rough times. But there won’t be one on file for Michael (at least not by anyone who actually knows anything about his work ethic)! Only of me!
Dang I’m worried guys. Advice?


The gift of blame

In Entertainment, Humor, Television, The Office, Work on January 28, 2009 at 5:33 am

Moroccan Christmas The Office

So Jan’s boss gave her a gift card to the Electric Theatre Company.
And somehow one of them lost it.
Like lost lost it.
Michael was on the phone all morning doing the baby voice with Jan.
“Are you mad at me?”
“You’re not mad at me are you?”
“Well I looked all over and I couldn’t find it.”
“Well I looked in the place where I always keep gift cards and it wasn’t there.”
“Well I’m not sure it was me who lost it.”
“No no no I just really don’t think I lost it.”
More cooing ensued to make up for the attempt Michael made to blame Jan.

As soon as he was off the phone he was griping to Jim that he knows Jan was the one who lost the card, not him.
But because he doesn’t have the balls to say that to Jan, he spent his day on the phone with the play company trying to get them to give him another gift card. Even though we had a pressing deadline and she … was making candles at home with no orders to fill or anything.

So after explaining to the theater’s customer service the situation and being told that it says right on the card that the theater is not responsible for lost or stolen cards, Michael starts getting huffy.
“I personally think it’s a very customer unfriendly policy.”
“Well I’m sure other places have policies for lost cards.” (no, no they don’t, Michael)
“Well is there someone above you who I could write to?”
“Well wouldn’t that be like writing to you?”
“Well it’s confusing which is actually the gift card because we have a slip of paper that says ‘This is not a ticket, but then it says ‘Electric Theatre Company gift card’ and the amount of the gift card on it.” (Erm, yeah. The slip of paper is what we like to call a RECEIPT, Michael. That piece of plastic that you chucked in the trash. That is a gift card. I can see how you might get confused, though.)
Finally Michael gets the customer servcie rep to say he might be able to help him out if the person who bought the initial gift card calls in. But otherwise his hands are tied.
Luckily having overheard all of this, I was able to prepare my responses when Michael inevitably cornered me to dump this story on me.
“Oh no, you have to be SO careful with gift cards,” I said when he approached me as I was trying to leave work. “They are JUST like cash. All of them say right on them ‘not responsible if lost or stolen,'” I said as dramatically as possible.
He even tried to play the “I was confused” game with me.
“But there was an actual PLASTIC gift card, right?” I asked.
He said no, that all he had was the slip of paper mentioned above. But later mentioned that the receipt didn’t have the same numbers as the plastic gift card printed on it, so the theater said they couldn’t help him.
“OH,” I said. “SO there WAS an actually piece of plastic that was the legitimate gift card?”
“Well yes, allegedly. I think I remember one,” he said.
Right Michael.
The highlight: Jan refused to tell her employer that she (or Michael, whatever) lost the gift card because she was embarrassed. So she is making Michael buy tickets to a show so she can tell them about the nice time they had.
Am I a bad person for enjoying that so much?

P.S. I have no idea what the policies are of the actual Electric Theatre Company. All names and locations are changed for the sake of anonymity.

Scranton spanks competition

In Uncategorized on January 27, 2009 at 4:22 am

I knew it was going to be bad when I saw the title of Michael’s annual report that he has to send to corporate.

“Dunder-Mifflin Scranton spanks competition”


Really? You think “spanks” is the best verb to use in your annual report?

At least it didn’t come with this graphic attched:

Sexual Harrassment Cake

I’ve been dying to find a way to incorporate this into the blog. Thank GOD my boss has never gone THAT far before. Though he was bragging last week with one of his buddies again about weaseling out of the sexual harassment training and then proceeded to talk about TV shows that show women topless. *hits head on desk*

And go check out Cake Wrecks where I found this photo. Even they say this is totally a Michael Scott cake. Plus that site is hilarious.

Dinner night

In Entertainment, Humor, Television, The Office, Work on January 22, 2009 at 3:55 am
I've been slaving all day over this meal!

I've been slaving all day over this meal!

Michael has started a new tradition where he has a couple members of his family over to his house one night a week and cooks dinner for them. He always makes a big deal about it and tells us what he’s cooking.
He also leaves at 4 so he “has time to cook dinner.” Must be nice.
Often he will just disappear without saying anything to anyone.
“Is Michael gone?” Creed asked as he walked past his office at 4:10 yesterday.
“Yes,” Dwight said. “Tonight is Michael’s dinner night.”
“I cook dinner every night,” I said. “Can I go home at 4, too?”
“Uhhh no,” Dwight said sheepishly.
Somehow I knew that would be the answer.

He’s got skillz

In Entertainment, Humor, Television, The Office, Work on January 21, 2009 at 4:04 am

Michael Scott, The Office, World's Best Boss

Every other week, I have to complete this boring task of which I will spare you the details.
I always complete it. I always do it well.
Today is the day I am working on it. I’ve been working on it all morning.
Meanwhile, it’s 11:45 and Michael hasn’t done any work.
Oh until just now.
“Hey, Pam, do you have the blah de blah files …”
“I’m working on it right now,” I say cutting him off.
There it is. Michael is such a diligent worker. In three hours and the only thing he has done is ask me if I have done my job yet. That’s management skills.
And he does this EVERY time I work on this project.
Trust me, Michael, you’ll be the first to know when I’m done.

Learning block

In Entertainment, Humor, Television, The Office, Work on January 20, 2009 at 5:23 am
I'm really more comfortable talking than listening at a meeting.

I'm really more comfortable talking than listening at a meeting.

Our office is changing over one of our computer programs. Not everyone needs it, but I use it occasionally and Michael uses it all the time.
So when corporate sent out an e-mail to all the district managers to let their staffs know a training session would be available on how to use the new program, Michael passed it along to me and told me he wanted me to attend.
After explaining the class to me, he asks “So do you think I need to go too?”
“Yes,” I said emphatically, “because I don’t want to teach you how to use it.”
He then cracked a joke about how he was hoping to just have me handle everything involving that program for him from now on, which of course wasn’t really a joke.
“Michael, I only use this one function of the program. You do entirely different things with it that I never have to. So you should go.”
He shrugged off my comment and wandered around the office looking for someone to convince him he didn’t need to attend.
I later discovered that every top manager in the company was planning on being at the session, and was even taking some mid-level people with them. I would be the lowest level employee there, in fact. Meanwhile, Michael was still debating whether it would be worth his “valuable” time or if sending me was sufficient. I reiterated my unwillingness to teach him something that a trained expert was already offering to teach.
Finally the morning of, he declares that he has decided to go to the training session, too. And acts like a freaking hero for it.
*mild applause*

Roy leaves

In Entertainment, Humor, Television, The Office, Work on January 16, 2009 at 4:33 am

This is actually an old post I wrote from Thanksgiving and never posted! Shame on me!

Roy at his fancy new job.

Roy at his fancy new job.

So after a four-day weekend, I thought I would be more refreshed and able to handle Michael and his antics.
How wrong I was.
In one three-minute conversation Michael managed to hit on three things I hate talking about with him: me being cold, my other job, and gossip.
A transcript to the conversation, which also involved Creed.

Creed: (after noticing I had my blanket wrapped around my shoulders) You can’t be cold.
Me: I can be anything I want to be.
Creed: But how can you be cold?
Me: Because I’m wearing a T-shirt. (dirty laundry and forgetting to grab my sweater on the way out the door led to an unfortunate wardrobe choice)
Creed: Why would you do that?
Michael: (who now was leaning over my desk) Because it’s warm. (Yuck yuck yuck, you crack me up Michael)
Me: (ignoring Michael) Creed, you’re wearing a sweater, I’m wearing a blanket. What’s the difference?
Michael: We’ll just call you Linus. (Creed walks away)
Me: Yes, because I LOVE being picked on for being cold.
Michael: So how was everything on Black Friday?
(This comment may seem innocent, but ever since I had stupidly put Michael down as a reference for my part-time job, he has felt like we had some special bond and loves using the job as a way to start stupid conversations with me. He tells me every time he sees a commercial about a sale my store is having — even though before I got the job he didn’t even know what the store was. It’s not something I’m doing for fun, so I don’t want to make small talk about it).
Me: (still annoyed) Fine. Fine. Everything was fine.
Michael: Good. Good. So did you hear Roy was leaving the company?
Me: No I hadn’t. (Roy is my ex, but we were still on speaking terms. I figure he will find his own way to tell me about leaving … but Michael delighted in beating him to the punch).
Michael: Yeah he’s going back to school. Got a job at the university and is taking some classes on the side.
Me: Ah (more details than I want to hear from you, Gossip Girl).
Michael: Yeah his job will be similar to his here it sounds like.
Me: (I turned away) Mmmmm (still more details than I want to hear from you, Michael.)
Michael: And it sounds like they won’t be replacing him here anytime soon … until further notice.

I don’t remember how the conversation ended. Did I black out? Not sure, but Michael eventually went away.
Oh and as I was typing this, Michael came up behind me while I had my headphones on and tried to get my attention by whispering at me.

On a side note, I was wondering when Roy would quit this job, considering he left the actual show The Office eons ago. And life mimics art once again….

The Rustle Shuffle

In Entertainment, Humor, Television, The Office, Work on January 9, 2009 at 4:11 am
Now let's see, do I want the sports section? Noooo, maybe the comics so I can brush up my stand-up routine. Hmmmm but the business section is probably important, too.

Now let's see, do I want the sports section? Noooo, maybe the comics so I can brush up my stand-up routine. Hmmmm but the business section is probably important, too.

Rustle, rustle, rustle.
Rustle, shuffle, rustle, rustle, shuffle.
RUSTLE, rustle rustle, RUSTLE.

The stack of newspapers our office gets daily sits on a table directly behind my desk. Most people come over, quickly find the section they want and leave.
Guess who can’t do things the simple way?

Rustle, shuffle, rustle.
Finally Michael selects something he wants to read. He takes a couple steps. Stops. Turns around and puts it back.

Rustle, rustle, rustle.
Rustle…RUSTLE, rustle, shuffle.

He leaves empty-handed, only to repeat the process about a half hour later.

Happy new year all! I hope I’ll have time to write a little more regularly again!