Pam

Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Really?!

In Entertainment, Humor, Television, The Office, Work on June 4, 2010 at 10:18 am

The scene: Pam is working fervently at her desk. Her headphones are on. Her focus is unwavering. She’s in a groove, and her work is flowing smoothly.

Enter stage left: Michael Scott.

Pam sees him out of the corner of her eye. He fumbles. Turns. Stares at a wall. Turns again.

Pam’s eye twitches. What is he doing?

He shuffles, turns and looks directly at Pam and says something.

Pam halts her work and takes off her headphones.

“What?” she asks.

“What did I come out here for?” Michael asks.

Pam jams her headphone back into her ears so hard she hurts herself and as snaps “I don’t know!”

Her groove is ruined. She sits fuming at her desk for the next hour as she contemplates the moronic events that just took place.

[End scene]

Wait … Who? What?!

In Entertainment, Humor, Television, The Office, Work on April 14, 2010 at 7:46 am

And now, transcription of a phone call with Michael Scott.

“This is Michael Scott.

Who IS this?!

Oh.

He’s not here right now.

Yup.”

*Click*

Please share with me a scenario — any scenario — where that conversation made sense in an office environment.

Morale by the slice

In Entertainment, Humor, Television, The Office, Work on March 24, 2010 at 10:54 pm

So, if you’ve read anything I’ve written on Twitter or on this blog you know one thing: morale at my office sucks.

David Wallace had a meeting with Michael about how to lift our spirits in times of massive pay cuts and being loaded with more work.

Their big solution?

Pizza.

Michael used to order pizza for us all the time. But it’s been more than a year since he treated us, even though our office is very small. Extras like that were cut from the budget, and you know, Michael couldn’t possibly spare a dime of his six-figure salary.

But David gave the OK for Michael to charge the company for a whopping three pizzas. And hooray everything is wonderful now!!! Yay! I can shut down this blog for good!

Right.

Besides not ordering enough, causing everyone to fight over the kinds they wanted, we were reminded roughly 15 times that the reason we were getting this pizza is because David wanted to boost morale.

Kinda makes you all warm and fuzzy inside, doesn’t it?

Buzz kill

In Entertainment, Humor, Television, The Office, Work on November 16, 2009 at 10:20 am
Pam and Jim company picnic

Enjoyed a long-awaited vacation. Now back to reality.

I have been on vacation from Dunder Mifflin for about a week and a half. I came in this morning with a euphoric sense of not caring what Michael might say or do.

He immediately came over and started telling me the details of how he handled various situations that I would normally take care of. As if I cared. Honestly, the first time I thought of Dunder Mifflin while on my vacation was 7 days after I walked out the door. It was a brief fleeting thought, like some vague memory of a place I once visited.

And the feeling this morning was nice. Yes, I didn’t care what Michael was saying, but I also didn’t care that he was saying it. Kinda like when the dentist gives you a great anesthetic and you don’t care that two gloved hands and a drill are in your mouth while drool is running down your face.

But as with every conversation with Michael he has to keep pushing and pushing and pushing until he gets a negative reaction out of you that forces him to retreat to his office to pout.

In the midst of his rundown he tells me of course Angela sent him an e-mail outlining all the things he did wrong that week. I was familiar with these e-mails, but had become pretty aware of her peeves and usually caught all of them before reports hit her desk.

“Yes,” I said from atop my vacation cloud. “There are many things I have to fix before those reports can get sent out.”

“Well what I didn’t know is that now there are different cover sheets that we have to use depending on what type of report it is.”

My cloud sank a little. “Yes I told you about that when they changed the policy.”

“Well I didn’t know how to do that,” Michael said in his victim voice.

ARGGGHHHH

“Yes, well, Michael, I believe your exact words when I told you about the change were ‘Well I think that’s corporate’s problem, not ours,’ which of course turned into my problem.”

Michael paused.

“Well anyway,” he said, “there was also a problem with…”

I didn’t quite hear the rest of what he said. I let my cloud float upward as much as it could. I know by the end of the day it will have sunk completely to the ground, covering me in fog instead of letting me bob in delight.

But for now I will enjoy my memories and focus on January … when my vacation days reset.

A nightmare come true

In Entertainment, Humor, Television, The Office, Work on October 12, 2009 at 8:55 am
"I wonder where Pam went"

"I wonder where Pam went"

My worst nightmare came true this weekend.

Michael showed up at my retail job.

I knew it was coming. When I started working at the shop in Viewpoint Mall, Michael hadn’t even heard of the store before.

Then a week and a half ago he tells me Jan and her sister discovered the shop, and she just LOVED it.

Oh no.

I wasn’t too too worried. I knew that there was another location of the store closer to where Michael lived, and he never talked about coming to my part of town for anything. I figured I was safe.

I was wrong.

I was helping out at the registers when I saw him turn the corner waving at me, Jan in tow.  Luckily it had slowed down and I had just signed off my register. I gave a quick grunt that sounded somewhat like a hello and hopped on a telephone as quick as possible to call one of the other departments with some inane question.

Jan and Michael camped out just to the right of me while I was on the phone.  I turned my head to the left as if looking for something and as soon as I was done on the phone, hung up and bolted in the opposite direction of them. I then hid in a stock room until I was sure the two were gone.

Why Michael? Why must you torture me everywhere I go?

It’s the same thing…

In Entertainment, Humor, Television, The Office, Work on October 9, 2009 at 3:40 pm
If only Meredith had gottena flue shot ... or washed her hands properly.

If only Meredith had gottena flue shot ... or washed her hands properly.

Every year, a nurse comes to our office to dole out flu shots to everyone who wants them.

But Angela said that isn’t in the budget this year. It’s still covered by our insurance, but if we want one, we have to get one somewhere else. Of course waits this year are crazy with people more scared about the flu than ever. Ugh.

However, Dunder Mifflin did not totally abandon us. They came up with a backup plan.

In lieu of flu shots, the company issued signs for each branch to print and post in the bathroom that outline how to properly wash our hands.

Ohhh Dunder Mifflin, you think of everything!

P.S. CONGRATS PAM AND JIM!!!! I mean… umm congrats to me? Oh man I’m having an identity crisis.

P.P.S. Angela just snuck up behind me as I was typing this. Ack!

Summer at the Office

In Entertainment, Humor, Television, The Office, Work on September 28, 2009 at 12:45 am

Pam Beesly pink

So as I said in my last post, I decided to focus my efforts this summer on changing my life instead of complaining about it.

And I made some noble attempts. I now have a couple of freelance ventures that I’m pretty proud of. I mean they haven’t brought in enough income to replace either of my jobs, so they really have only created more work on top of my two jobs for me. But whatever. I enjoy them.

And I realized not blogging has not really saved me any time. Now I just spend more time complaining to Jim and Mr. Beesly and wasting time on other blogs while I’m too depressed to work. So I figured “Why not go back to wasting time on this blog?!”

The job search is still in limbo. Mr. Beesly and I have a pretty nice vacay planned in a month or so. And I have really no time off between now and the end of the year for interviews. So a full-force effort might not start until then.

Though sales positions has opened up at Dunder Mifflin and I am considering going for it (SEE! Reality mimics art AGAIN). I’m not totally qualified, but neither was Pam on the show … so why not go for it, right?!

This would mean Michael would not be my boss anymore, but I’d still be close enough to hear him and mock him. It’s a win/win for everyone!

I’ll keep you posted on my decision.

I’ll try to recap some of the events of this summer as I remember them, but honestly I have blocked a lot of it from memory. Jim almost quit, we had evaluations, we had a company picnic, and we stressed Michael out so much by not talking to him that we have given him (alleged) sleeping problems.

More on all that later. I missed you guys!

A break

In Entertainment, Humor, Television, The Office, Work on May 31, 2009 at 12:53 pm

Pam Beesly picnic

The life-shaking events I wrote about in the last post have really got me thinking. I’m re-evaluating things and trying to set new priorities. 

My schedule right now is so jammed packed with working at a job where my boss drives me insane, working a part-time job just to make ends meet and helping take care of various family issues that I’m ready to snap.

This is why, at least for now, I will be taking a break from I Work at the Office.

I may still update now and then if a really great story pops up. But I figure the time I take complaining about my situation might better be spent searching for new opportunities. 

So this summer, my resolution is to pursue any jobs or personal projects that I have always wished I could do and really focus on making something good happen with my life. Think of this as the time during The Office when Pam was barely on the show because she was at design school in New York.

If anyone is interested, I will however be more than happy to post your own stories about Office-worthy work place adventures.

Thanks for reading and check back from time to time or follow me on Twitter for alerts on blog updates.

Making sad into funny

In Entertainment, Humor, Television, The Office on May 26, 2009 at 7:27 am

Michael Scott ponders the meaning of life -- as seen on TV.

Michael Scott ponders the meaning of life -- as seen on TV.

So it’s been a  rough few weeks at the Beesly household. A younger cousin of mine died a few weeks ago, and a week later, grandma Beesly was rushed to the hospital, where she spent a week and a half. It was touch and go for a while. Scary stuff. Hence my lack of blogging.

Aaaaaaaaanywho. Let us not dwell on that. The headline promises funny.

So the day before my cousin’s funeral, Michael decides to offer comfort in an oh-so-Michael way.

After establishing how sorry he is and that he hopes everything goes OK at the funeral (a perfect and polite response from someone not close to the family), he decides he can’t leave it at that. He must follow-up with a heartfelt cherry on top — that perfect comment that will really linger in my heart and help me through these hard times.

“You know, Jan and I watch a TV drama with a subplot where a character died like that. And gosh, that’s just really hard,” Michael said forlornly.

This was one of those rare moments in life where my jaw literally dropped — not just in my head. I don’t know why I was surprised. Just a  few months earlier, Stanley had a funeral of a close friend, in which Michael stepped in with comforting words about one of Jan’s friend’s brothers (whom he’d never met) dying in the same way.

But at least that was a real person.

“Well that’s not exactly what happened, Michael,” I said and he shifted from one foot to the other. “It doesn’t really happen like it does on TV, you know.”

“Oh well I know,” he stammered (suuuuure you do). “But, well, I just hope everything goes well tomorrow.”

There. See that’s where you should have stopped the first time. Now how can we train you to stop there every time?

I remember blissful ignorance

In Entertainment, Humor, Television, The Office, Work on May 1, 2009 at 9:36 am

erin

So, like The Office (duh) we got a new secretary not all that long ago.

She hasn’t quite learned how things work around here. i.e. She’s totally clueless as to how little work Michael actually does. She even calls him “Fearless leader.”
Today she had to be late because of an emergency that came up at home.
When she came in she had a few cookies wrapped for Michael.
“What is this? Bribery?! For being late?!” He said with a jovial laugh.
“No it’s just a thank you for being SO understanding,” Erin said in her sweet as sugar voice.
Oh thank god I hadn’t eaten my breakfast yet. My stomach churned simultaneously with my brain as I remembered all the times Michael came in late this month alone, for no reason whatsoever.
Oh dear Erin, you have SO much to learn.

She hasn’t quite learned how things work around here. i.e. She’s totally clueless as to how little work Michael actually does. She even calls him “Fearless leader.”

Today she had to be late because of an emergency that came up at home.

When she came in she had a few cookies wrapped for Michael.

“What is this? Bribery?! For being late?!” He said with a jovial laugh.

“No it’s just a thank you for being SO understanding,” Erin said in her sweet as sugar voice.

Oh thank god I hadn’t eaten my breakfast yet. My stomach churned simultaneously with my brain as I remembered all the times Michael came in late this month alone, for no reason whatsoever.

Oh dear Erin, you have SO much to learn.

Last night’s episodes? Discuss.