Anger management

Michael called me into his office a couple months ago.

“Pam I’ve noticed a few problems with the way the sales staff is filling out their paper work.”

“Sorry about that. I’ll check more closely when they pass them on to me.”

“Well feel free to yell at them when they do it wrong.”

“I’m not going to do that Michael.”

“Why not?”

“First of all, they’re not necessarily doing it wrong; they’re just not doing it the way you like it. Second, that’s not my job.”

“Of course it is.”

“No that’s your job, Michael.”

“Close the door, please, Pam.”

Great. I closed the door reluctantly.

“I think you’re selling yourself short, Pam. This job is whatever you want to make it to be.”

“Michael. I’m a receptionist.”

“You have a lot more power than you give yourself credit for.”

“These people are my peers. I am not their superior. I have no authority over them. I should not be telling them how to do their job. That is your job.”

“No it’s not.”

“You’re the regional manager.”

“Right.”

“So isn’t this your responsibility?”

“No.”

“That’s the way it has worked at every other company I have worked for.”

“Not at the companies I’ve worked for.” (Michael hasn’t worked at anywhere but Dunder Mifflin for the past 25 years).

“You are the manager. At every company I have ever seen, managing the staff would be the job of the manager.”

“No you’re wrong.”

What??!??!? %&$^&@*&$$#

I had no more fight left in me. How do you argue that?

“Fine,” I said and left.

And things went back exactly the way they did before. Michael sat in his office earning four times as much as me. I answered the phones.

And no one managed the staff.

Just desserts

This post is a continuation of the last entry.

Immediately after the customers and the corporate people cleared out of the conference room, Kevin approached my desk.

“Hey Pam. There’s leftover pastries in the conference room that the Miller people brought if you want any.”

“Oh. Thanks, Kevin,” I said, making no sign that I was moving.

Kevin immediately began to scan the room for more people he could share this joyous news with.

Five minutes later….

“Hey, Pam. In case you were looking for them, they moved the treats over to the print station over here.”

“Yeah I saw, Kevin. Thanks.” Our office isn’t THAT big, I thought.

“I recommend the cupcakes with the white frosting.”

“K. Thanks.”

Got it. Thanks. Desserts are good. I know. Calm down man!

Parting is such sweet sorrow

One of our biggest customers came to the Scranton office last week to meet with Michael and several of the big-wigs from corporate and talk about the possibilities open to them at Dunder Mifflin this year.

As soon as the meeting was over Michael came back to his desk, clearly dying to get away from the business talk and back to his comfort zone.

The employees from the client company and the corporate people lingered for quite a while though talking about strategies. Soon, they were touring the building, but by the time Michael realized the event had shifted toward something more fun, he had missed out.

“Wow this was such a great idea. I’m so glad we came,” one of the customers said once they reached closer proximity to Michael’s office.

“Yes this was just great. I can’t wait to meet up with you guys again tonight,” one of the corporate people said. Michael clearly was not invited to “tonight.”

A flurry of “so good to meet yous” and “loved your ideas” and “goodbyes” wafted into Michael’s office. He jumped up and headed to the hallway where the unexpected storm of camaraderie was taking place.

“Goodbye! So nice to meet you!” Michael said as the clients were walking away.

I didn’t hear anyone return the farewell.

Sense of humor

This is funny right? Yeah, Pam said it was funny. So it must be funny.

Several months ago, Michael was trying to be my movie buddy again. He has yet to pick up on what my film interests are, so his attempt crashed and burned as usual.

“Have you seen the previews for that new Ben Stiller movie?” he asked.

” ‘Tropic Thunder?’ Yeah I did.”

“That movie looks so stupid!” he said emphatically.

“Oh. I think it looks hilarious.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah. We can’t wait to see it.”

“Hmmm”

“But that’s my sense of humor. That stuff is right up my alley.”

Clearly I had ruined the rant Michael had practiced about how silly he thought the movie looked so I gracefully bowed out and let him fester at his desk.

*Cut to last week.*

“So have you seen that ‘Tropic Thunder’ movie yet?” he asked.

“Yeah we saw it this weekend.”

“Was it good?”

“Well I thought it was hysterical, but it’s my type of comedy,” I said.

“Yeah it looked like it was going to be really funny.”

Sure it did Michael.

Ebenezer Schrute

Well Dwight Week is coming to an end. But fear not. More Dwight stories will appear more regularly mixed in with the Michael Scott misadventures … so stay tuned!

And to continue to get your Rainn Wilson fix … go see The Rocker this weekend and FREE JENNA!

Oh so you think you have a vacation day? Well let me just check my chart here. ... FALSE. You have no vacation days! The chart knows all because I created the chart, and I know all. Like Ghandi ... or Matlock.

Dwight has always heavily monitored how many days off people have taken and how many they are due.

Dwight took one of his rare days off at Christmas time. But even when he doesn’t come into the office, he insists on working from home.

He called that afternoon and asked Karen for a rundown of who was in the office.

Being that it was the day after Christmas, there were only a handful of people who had already used up their vacation days.

After she had named everyone who was there, Dwight asked “Where’s Kelly?”

“She had one day left, so she took the day off,” Karen said.

“No she did not have a day off. My notes indicate she used all of her vacation days.”

“Well she said she checked and she had one day left and she had to take it by the end of the year or she’d lose it.”

“She had no days left! My chart says so right here. I’m going to see that she gets her pay docked a day. This is ridiculous. She thinks no one will notice she was gone. I’m seeing to it first thing when I get back that her pay is docked!”

Way to embrace the Christmas spirit, Dwight.

When he came back he called corporate first thing and found out that indeed Kelly’s day off was legitimate.
Turns out Dwight’s chart was wrong. Dwight hates it when his chart is wrong. I think he ultimately decided his chart wasn’t wrong, that corporate was wrong, and that Kelly got lucky …

This time.

Dwight Schrute: Web guru

If they gave black belts for ability to use the Internet, I would have a double. I have visited and/or used nearly two dozen web sites.

Now and then Dwight will find an error in some of the paperwork I fill out.

Of course he never sees all of the things I fix when the salespeople initially give me the paperwork. He only sees the straggling items I missed along the way.

They’re never anything big that would affect the sale in any way. But he feels it necessary to check my work and to send me an e-mail outlining what I did wrong.

Here was my favorite:

“I know the sales staff often likes to use abbreviations for companies in their notes, but it is Dunder Mifflin policy that we use the full company name on all references. I looked up the full name for Miller Co. on its web site, if you’re wondering where you find such things. I have the Internet open all day.”

Oh! The Internet! Why didn’t I think of that!

Be kind, please rewind … quietly

You know if you hit that stop button right there first ... no? not interested?

Dwight has a tape recorder he listens to at his desk.

He records his sales calls and replays them so he can take notes on what went well and how he can make his sales pitches better.

Which is all moderately tolerable.

But because he is using actual tapes rather than a digital recorder, it makes an awful screeching sound every time he rewinds. Which is often. He has to catch every detail, after all.

Someone once pointed out that if he hits “stop” first, it won’t screech when he rewinds. That it only does that because he is rewinding while it is still in “play” mode.

“That would take longer,” Dwight said matter of factly as he continued his work. Screeeeeeeech!

And efficiency wins once again.

Dwight week begins!

May this be a lesson to you Pam.

Dwight is a real stickler for attendance and tardiness. Not only for himself but everyone else. …except for Michael who gets a pass for everything.

“So it seems you’ve been having a bit of a problem getting in in the morning,” Dwight said pulling me aside one day.

“I’m a few minutes late sometimes. I didn’t think it was a big deal since everyone is standing around talking about sports when I get here. And I don’t care about sports, so I start working right away,” I said.

“That may be true but it was bothering Michael. And since Michael wouldn’t say anything to you about it, I took the initiative.”

“What? Half the time I beat Michael in! And he only lives a couple blocks away! I live 18 miles away!”

“Hey! Michael Scott works very hard! He has earned the right to come in whenever he wants!”

How do you argue with logic like that?

And the medal goes to …

Wow, this is such an honor. I'd like to thank NBC, and CNBC, and USA, oh yeah and Telemundo!

“So have you been watching the Olympics?”

Michael posed this question to me last Friday — henceforth known as Black Friday. The day when everyone else was either on vacation or on a sales call.

Leaving me alone with Michael.

There was no escape.

“Nope,” I said.

“Well if you’ve watched any TV this week, it’s hard to escape it. It’s on every channel practically.”

“I haven’t watched TV this week.”

“It’s even on Oxygen.”

“I just don’t watch much TV.”

“Yeah … It’s on NBC, CNBC, MSNBC, USA and apparently Oxygen.”

Clearly Michael was not interested in my input. My end of the conversation quickly turned into “uh-huhs,” so I’ll just leave you with the rest of Michael’s dialogue.

“And it’s on 24 hours a day on one network or another … On USA it’s on from 2 a.m. until noon. MSNBC 5 a.m. to 5 p.m. … And that’s not counting the hi-def channels. They’ll have all basketball for 24 hours or all soccer. …. Oh yeah, and Telemundo for the Spanish speaking crowd.”

And then for Michael’s grand finale, he says: “Not that I’ve hardly watched any of it anyway.”

Wow.

Personal space

Please don't come behind my desk, please don't come behind my desk.

I really, really value my personal space.

So when Michael comes behind my desk to talk to me, it really freaks me out.

I started to move my trash can beside my chair to create a buffer zone so Michael couldn’t get too close to me.

In true Michael Scott fashion, he actually started MOVING the trash can out of his way so he could stand right beside me. Never close enough to be considered inappropriate, but definitely bursting my comfort zone bubble.

And it never phased him that I move it back in place every time.

So readers. Suggestions on how to keep Michael out of my personal space without creating a scene and opening the door for Michael Scott drama?