We don’t leave until our work is done

Due to a few crises last week, Kelly worked several extra hours. So Friday, she left at noon to get back some of that time. We had a big project due by the end of the day, but because she is our customer service rep, she wasn’t involved.

After she left, I noticed an e-mail from her.

It was sent to me, Michael and Dwight asking one of use to “pretty please with sprinkles on top” post some of her weekly data to the company Web site.

Michael came out in a tizzy, but Kelly had already left.

“What is this?” he sputtered. “She can’t just leave us hanging like this when we have a deadline? This is outrageous. Dwight, send her an e-mail saying I don’t approve of her doing this at all. At this company we don’t leave until our work is done. Period.”

Since when? I seemed to have noticed Michael had spent most of the morning having a rather colorful political conversation with one of his buddies on the phone. And left early last week despite this impending deadline.

Do as I say, not as I do, I guess.

Escape from the breakroom

Oh my GOD! You didn't watch "Dancing with the Stars" last night? Were you ill? Did someone die?

I broke one of my rules last week.

And I paid for it.

Never, never, never go the the breakroom unless Michael is in his office. If Michael is on the prowl, any sign that you are not busy with work (like getting a cup of coffee) is an invitation for disaster. And the breakroom is small and easy to get trapped in.

Silly me.

Michael had been away from his desk for about 20 minutes. I didn’t know where he was and was dying for my morning tea.

By the time I realized what I had walked into, it was too late.

Michael and Kelly were talking animatedly in the breakroom about the one thing they have in common: their love for reality TV.

“Well it’s a shame because they do all that work and one couple won’t even get to perform their dance!” Kelly said.

“Yeah?” Michael asked.

Dancing with the Stars. Ahh the fall season has begun. I ducked low and slipped between them to where the hot water dispenser was. Michael LOVED to torture me with gobs of details about TV shows I don’t watch, that he KNOWS I don’t watch. I have nothing against the shows, but come on, I don’t bore him with details about Lost or (ironically) The Office, neither of which HE cares about.

Maybe since he had a friend to talk about this show with, he would leave me alone.

Kelly kept chattering about details from the show. Michael leaned over to me as I opened a bag of tea.

“The ‘Dancing with the Stars’ season premiere was last night,” Michael said just inches from my face.

“Mmmmmmmmm,” I said moving more swiftly and skipping my beloved sugar.

“SHE doesn’t watch it,” Michael said to Kelly shooting his thumb in my direction.

Thanks Michael.

“Oh my gosh, but it’s SO entertaining,” Kelly said.

“Oh I believe you,” I told her walking toward the door, which she was halfway blocking.

“And THIS season, Cloris Leachman is on the show, and oh wow what a cute little thing she is,” Kelly squealed. “I HOPE she makes it!”

I started waving my hands in protest and slid past her out the door.

“She’s running for her life!” Kelly giggled.

“And it wasn’t even ME this time!” Michael chortled with glee.

Yes Michael. You were so innocent in the situation. Hooray! You got to see me squirm! I’m glad I made your day.

I vowed to never never never break my rules again.

Tomorrow, I share with you some of my other rules.

Call me … actually, don’t

Kelly asked Michael and Stanley for their cell phone numbers. They are both leaving for a paper convention in a couple weeks and she wanted to be able to get in touch with them if there were any problems.

“Isn’t it cool how women want our cell phone numbers?” Michael says to Stanley while Kelly is waiting for him to finish writing down his number.

Stanley glared at him.

“Well I’m a single guy, so it’s cool for me,” Michael said.

Kelly laughed nervously.

Ebenezer Schrute

Well Dwight Week is coming to an end. But fear not. More Dwight stories will appear more regularly mixed in with the Michael Scott misadventures … so stay tuned!

And to continue to get your Rainn Wilson fix … go see The Rocker this weekend and FREE JENNA!

Oh so you think you have a vacation day? Well let me just check my chart here. ... FALSE. You have no vacation days! The chart knows all because I created the chart, and I know all. Like Ghandi ... or Matlock.

Dwight has always heavily monitored how many days off people have taken and how many they are due.

Dwight took one of his rare days off at Christmas time. But even when he doesn’t come into the office, he insists on working from home.

He called that afternoon and asked Karen for a rundown of who was in the office.

Being that it was the day after Christmas, there were only a handful of people who had already used up their vacation days.

After she had named everyone who was there, Dwight asked “Where’s Kelly?”

“She had one day left, so she took the day off,” Karen said.

“No she did not have a day off. My notes indicate she used all of her vacation days.”

“Well she said she checked and she had one day left and she had to take it by the end of the year or she’d lose it.”

“She had no days left! My chart says so right here. I’m going to see that she gets her pay docked a day. This is ridiculous. She thinks no one will notice she was gone. I’m seeing to it first thing when I get back that her pay is docked!”

Way to embrace the Christmas spirit, Dwight.

When he came back he called corporate first thing and found out that indeed Kelly’s day off was legitimate.
Turns out Dwight’s chart was wrong. Dwight hates it when his chart is wrong. I think he ultimately decided his chart wasn’t wrong, that corporate was wrong, and that Kelly got lucky …

This time.

Guest blog: Angela and the … Oh my God!

LaLaLa. I can't hear you defile the Lord.

Kelly has landed on my last nerve.

Being a customer service rep, she has a lot of down time in between calls from grumpy clients.

When she’s not slinking around the office being a gossip monger, she’s usually reading magazines at her desk. And using the good Lord’s name in vain.

“Oh my God. OH my GOD. ohmygodohmygodohmygod.”

All day that’s all I here from her over there. Every time she hits a new headline or a fact that blows her little mind, she comments out loud using different variations of “Oh my God.” The emphasis will change depending on the intensity of the story.

When she makes God into two syllables (GAW-DUH), you know she’s really hit upon some shocking news. Like Brad and Angelina broke up — and then were abducted by aliens who blew them into space with a slingshot.

At first people would turn and stare at her during her unholy exclamations. But she wouldn’t say anything unless someone asked her what she was reading. I never cared, but other people would condone her careless heathen outbursts and ask for details.

Soon though people learned to just ignore her.

But she couldn’t have that.

“Oh MY God!” Kelly exclaimed.

No one looked up. Everyone kept typing.

“OH my GOD!” she said again.

A phone rang and Oscar answered it.

“Isn’t anyone going to ask me what I’m reading?!” Kelly demanded.

Everyone looked up and stared unsure what to do. Karen jumped in and rescued us from the awkward moment by asking Kelly to tell her about it. Kelly was totally pleased having any audience in front of her … even a reluctant one.

I quietly asked God to smite her.

Self-laugher

Kelly has been on the phone most of the day … unfortunately. Sometimes she forgets what an indoor voice is when you’re talking face-to-face with her, but we all do from time to time. But on the phone … “indoor voice” leaves her vocabulary all together. So even though she’s on the other side of the office, I can hear every word of her conversations.
To make matters worse, she laughs at almost everything the client is telling her. Not because it’s funny — come on, we work in paper. What could be that funny?
And not only does she laugh at everything THEY are saying. She’s laughing at everything SHE is saying. She can barely complete a sentence without it trailing off into a laugh/spoken word hybrid.
For example take this simple sentence:
“Yeah, I know, this was a tough one.”
Now imagine the sentence being said like this, starting normally, and then morphing quickly into a loud laugh:
“Yeah, I knowahah thisaha WASAHAHA A TOUGH ONE HAHAHAHAHA”
Now imagine a 20 minute conversation where every other sentence sounds like that.
She’s a nice girl, but I like to take bathroom breaks when she gets calls.