Summer at the Office

So as I said in my last post, I decided to focus my efforts this summer on changing my life instead of complaining about it.

And I made some noble attempts. I now have a couple of freelance ventures that I’m pretty proud of. I mean they haven’t brought in enough income to replace either of my jobs, so they really have only created more work on top of my two jobs for me. But whatever. I enjoy them.

And I realized not blogging has not really saved me any time. Now I just spend more time complaining to Jim and Mr. Beesly and wasting time on other blogs while I’m too depressed to work. So I figured “Why not go back to wasting time on this blog?!”

The job search is still in limbo. Mr. Beesly and I have a pretty nice vacay planned in a month or so. And I have really no time off between now and the end of the year for interviews. So a full-force effort might not start until then.

Though sales positions has opened up at Dunder Mifflin and I am considering going for it (SEE! Reality mimics art AGAIN). I’m not totally qualified, but neither was Pam on the show … so why not go for it, right?!

This would mean Michael would not be my boss anymore, but I’d still be close enough to hear him and mock him. It’s a win/win for everyone!

I’ll keep you posted on my decision.

I’ll try to recap some of the events of this summer as I remember them, but honestly I have blocked a lot of it from memory. Jim almost quit, we had evaluations, we had a company picnic, and we stressed Michael out so much by not talking to him that we have given him (alleged) sleeping problems.

More on all that later. I missed you guys!

Rainbows and puppies

Michael was complaining to Meredith about an e-mail we received from corporate about someone (Michael) misusing the new program we have on our computers.

“Oh I just ignore those e-mails,” Meredith said.

You could practically see the light bulb glow above Michael’s head as what she said sunk in. “You do?!”

“Sure, all the time,” she said. What she didn’t say was that she has the ability to discern which e-mails are important and which are nit-picky unreasonable expectations. Michael … not so much.

Michael was walking on air as he came over to my desk to share his new revelation.

“As soon as I heard that,” Michael said, “I told myself ‘That’s it. From now on I’m ignoring all stressful e-mails.'”

“Michael if you ignore my e-mails, I’m going to come into your office and pummel you,” I said.

“Well you know, you ‘ll just have to dress it up with stuff about flowers or something,” he said.

“I’ll make all my subject lines ‘Rainbows and puppies’ from now on,” I said.

“I can put pictures of my dog in my e-mails,” Jim chimed in.

“Yeah! ”Rainbows and puppies and oh yeah I’m pissed at you.’ I like it!” Michael said, smiling all the way to his office.

The sad part. I really don’t think he’s joking.

 

 

P.S. LOVED Parks and Recreation and The Office last night. Thought both were the best so far this season! (Though, am I losing it, or did Parks and Rec already use the grafitti segment in one of the other episodes? whoopsies) Still laughed really hard through both episodes.

Chirp!

“Do you hear that beeping sound?” Karen asked as she came over to the area where Jim and I sit.

We shook our heads.

“It almost sounds like a cricket or something, but it’s too cold for crickets, isn’t it?” She asked, clearly unnerved by whatever was causing the noise.

“Not sure, ” I said. “Sometimes my computer makes funny beeping noises. Maybe it’s your computer or someone who sits nearby.”

“Maaaaybe,” Karen said unconvinced and looking around for the source of the noise.

“Or maybe the batteries are dying in something, like the smoke detector,” I suggested.

“Yeah those DO make a chirping noise, don’t they,” she said and went on the hunt again.

At the end of the work day, Andy approached her desk.

“So you had some weird beeping over here today, huh?” he said.

“Yeeeeah,” Karen said suspiciously.

“It was this,” he said revealing a little metal box.

“You were causing the beeping noise?”

“Yeah when you stick this thing to metal, the magnetism activates this random little beep every once in a while. SO I stuck it to your desk and took it down during lunch time. I guess I’m lucky I caught you on a good day, huh?”

“Yeah,” Karen said with a little edge. “Really lucky.”

Andy also revealed that Michael planned to get one of the devices to use on Stanley on April Fool’s Day. As if Stanley hadn’t been witness to everything that happened to Karen and would be fooled by the same prank.

Yeah, that didn’t turn out so well for Michael.

(To be continued)

Penny pinching

How much does it cost to run that camera you have there?

After our company announced we were all going to have to watch our office budgets and propose cost-saving strategies, Angela sent out this e-mail:

 You’ve heard the saying that every penny counts…and it does!  Here’s a few things that the Scranton office is doing.

 1.  Bring in your own mug AND your own STIRRING IMPLEMENT.  We’re going to eliminate the purchase of the plastic cups and the stir sticks. Annual savings: $140!

2.  TURN OFF THE LIGHTS when not in use! 

3.  We’ve eliminated the afternoon mail pick-up service. Annual savings: $1,500. 

4.  THINK BEFORE YOU COPY OR PRINT.  If it’s not necessary to print or copy, don’t waste the paper!  USE THE FLIP SIDE OF USED PAPER.  RECYCLE.  Annual savings by cutting white paper costs by 25%: $953.

5.  SUPPLIES:  “Uncommon items” wanted should be carefully considered before ordering.  (You may be asked to reconsider your item for a lesser cost one.)  Potential savings:  $500-$600.

6.  COFFEE & TEA:  Drink what you pour. And don’t make a fresh pot at 3:30 in the PM unless you’re going to drink it all. 

Angela

…

 “Annual savings $140? What is this proving?” Jim asked.

“Heck just get rid of the coffee all together,” Creed chimed in. “Who needs it?”

“I’m surprised she didn’t suggest getting rid of the air conditioning,” Karen said, quickly looking over her shoulder to make sure Angela hadn’t heard that idea.

 And a few hours later, we got an e-mail from corporate saying the company would be undergoing layoffs this week and that those of us left standing would be getting 9 percent pay cuts.

 “Now wait a second,” I said peeking over my desk after we got the e-mail, making sure Angela wasn’t around. “WE don’t have to take the pay cut do we? I mean, didn’t corporate hear we’re using our own spoons to stir our coffee now?”

“It’s OK, she’s not here.”

Michael talking to Jan on the phone allll day? Looks like iPod time for Jim. Never go to work without it.

A couple Mondays ago, a week or so after my confrontation with Michael, I called off sick.

We had some major shake-ups at Dunder Mifflin the week before, and despite the fact that Michael had spent all weekend with Jan, he felt the need to talk to her six times that day about said office drama, my source Jim tells me.

“It seems your talk really had an impact on him,” Jim said. “Of course he doesn’t care about the rest of us because we weren’t the ones who talked to him.”

A snippett of one of those six calls (as relayed to me by Jim)

“Yeah, those f*ckers,” Michael said.

“I could have probably worded that better.”

(In a loud whisper) “No it’s OK, she’s not here today.”

…

Right, Michael. It’s ME that’s the problem, not your behavior. Little does he know I’ve become a bit of a hero in my part of the office for putting a stop to the goo-goo ga-ga. Funny enough, swearing doesn’t bother me nearly as much, except he sounds like a moron when he tries to swear rather than the tough guy he’s trying to be. Again it’s really more embarrassing (for him) than offensive.

Tomorrow … Angela teaches us how to save money at our office during these tough times.

An ode to last night’s episode

"So looks like I'm going to be the new boss in town, Halpert."

 

Jim and I hit a Chinese place for lunch a couple weeks ago.

I got two fortunes in my fortune cookie.

“Oh great,” Jim said before I read them. “Double happiness. That means my fortune will say something terrible, like I’m going to die soon.”

“Nah these things are never bad,” I said.

My fortunes:

1) “You are about to embark on a most delightful journey.”

2)  “You are next in line for promotion.”

Jim’s fortune:

“You should start putting aside your money.”

“Great,” Jim said. “See I told you.”

“So you and Michael are going to get laid off, and I get to take over!” I said, laughing.

Huh. Who knew? And look, Pam did get promoted last night (kind of).

On a side note, I’d never leave my job to go start a company with my company’s Michael Scott. Ever.  

Not that he’d ever have the ambition to do anything like that… but still.

So that’s what it takes to get away from Michael

Stanley went to lunch last week with one of his clients who is being laid off, meaning he’ll have to work with someone else from that company from now on. He’s been a purchaser with us for a long time and has built a great relationship with Stanley.

Michael has tried to build an equally great relationship with this client, let’s call him Peter, but with slightly lesser results. He has called Peter with special promotions, to request feedback, etc.

But come Christmas, the card that comes from Peter’s company is always sent to Stanley. When talking on the phone, Peter will ask about Stanley’s family and personal life. With Michael, he stays business only. Which is the kind of thing that slowly drives Michael insane.

So when Stanley met with Peter for a goodbye lunch, he made sure to hide it from Michael until it was over or else he knew Michael would try to weasel his way in.

When Michael found out about it later, he grilled Stanley for all the details. Where did they eat? What did he say? Was he angry? It was clear he was totally distraught he could not be there.

So today, on Peter’s second to last day, Michael calls him to wish him luck in his new ventures.

And keeps him on the phone for 45 minutes.

Talking about himself.

He talked about Jan and her sister and his church and his church choir and his brother and and and…

About 25 minutes in, Jim turns to me and holds up a sign that says “But enough about me…”

Gee I wonder why Peter and Michael were never close.

I could do this all day

"Close the door so it seems like we're talking about something important."

Our IT person from corporate called Michael earlier this week. We have a new system we have to use when processing sales that has a few more steps than we used to have, and she wanted to know when she could come down to train us.

“Well I’ll have to talk to Pam to see when she’s available and I’ll call you back and set something up.”

Gee, when is Pam available? Oh all the time because I never leave the office and have no appointments or sales calls like everyone else. He does know that everyone has to go through this training, right? That my schedule is the least of his concerns?

I’ve known this training was coming for a while and so just want to get it done with.

So Michael walks out of his office, and instead of calling me in, he calls Andy in. And shuts the door.

And is in there for an hour.

Now I could give them the benefit of the doubt and say they were talking about work-related activities, but I am skeptical that talking about the paper industry could bring about the amount of laughter coming through the door.

So sometime mid morning, Michael emerges, procrastinates some more, and finally makes his way to my desk to ask me when I’d be available for training.

“Anytime. I don’t have anywhere I need to be this week. Whenever works for everyone else.”

He starts to walk back to his office when I stop him.

“You know, all the sales people have to do this training, too. I mean, they are the ones with the sales calls that you have to work around.”

“OK.”

That’s all he says.

Then he calls Andy into his office again.

And again, it’s nearly 45 minutes of laughter and lively chatting.

Lunch came and went.

I left a little later, and therefore got back a little later.

Jim told me Michael finally got around to telling everyone about the training when he got back from lunch. So instead of walking out and asking everyone as soon as he hung up the phone with IT at 9:30 a.m., he dragged this task out.

All. Day. Long.

The election is over: it is safe to return to your desks

So I a while ago I decided because of how crazy Michael had been acting over the election that I would take Nov. 5 off from work. This way I could a) stay up late and watch results even if it took all night (because I’m a big dork) and b) wouldn’t be subjected to either Michael’s gloating or pouting the day after.

And boy am I glad I did.

Apparently Michael was so bad, Creed called off work Thursday because he couldn’t put up with it. Creed cheers for the opposite political party as Michael, a fact which for the most part Creed keeps to himself. And while Creed doesn’t rub it in if his candidate wins, Michael most certainly does.

And it got ugly.

I’m hearing most of this second-hand from Jim, but suffice it to say it must have been bad for Creed to call off work over it.

When I came in Thursday, Michael wanted soooo badly for me to be his personal gossip girl. Everytime he started whining to me about Creed, I would deflect him with a work-related question until he finally went away.

Work = Michael’s Kryptonite.

Insult to injury, pt. 4

You don't want to go to lunch with Jim and me? Wow. Add that to your list of biggest regrets EVER!

This is the last of the Andy insult stories…for now. 🙂

When Andy first started working at our office, I invited him to lunch with Jim and I a couple times trying to make him feel welcome. He turned me down due to scheduling conflicts, which was fine. He promised he’d catch-up with us sometime in the future.

Then several weeks later he comes over to the area where Jim and I sit.

“Hey Jim, you wanna grab lunch today?” he asked.

“Uh sure. Where do you want to go?”

“How about Dunderito Burrito?” Andy suggested.

Jim said that sounded great and to meet at his desk at noon.

I felt a little slighted. After all, it was I who had invited Andy to lunch when Jim and I went. And I love Dunderito Burrito! That’s fine if the guy doesn’t like me … just don’t yammer on and on about your life whenever I even give you a tiny acknowledgment.

I didn’t feel too bad about the slight though. After all, this was after Andy had made fun of my husband’s profession, so I really didn’t feel like setting myself up for more of his self-righteous blathering.

Andy reappeared right at noon and asked Jim if he was ready.

“Yup,” Jim said. “Hey Pam, do you want to come to lunch with us?”

At least Jim has manners. But at this point I’d already busted into my own brown paper bag lunch. I’d also had the bitter taste in my mouth all morning of the memory of my previous conversations with Andy.

“Uh no not today,” I said. “Thanks, though!”

“Oh come on,” Andy said in a surprisingly huffy voice. “You know you want to.”

“Nah that’s OK,” I said.

“You’ll be sorry when all you had is a lame bagged lunch and we come back talking about our awesome burritos and how YOU didn’t get one,” Andy continued.

“Yup I bet I will.”

“All right. Your loss,” he said with a ridiculous smirk.

Whatever, man. You didn’t even invite me to lunch with you. And then you make fun of me for not accepting an invitation that you didn’t even extend to me? Just don’t be surprised when I give you the cold shoulder when you want to whine about your life as I’m trying to make it to the bathroom.